Digging through the layers...

Another prairie sunset!

The trees are a changing and there's that feeling in the air that something is different, but the days are still just a little too hot for my taste!  The nights are much cooler now, and I know it won't be long, but really, it's not supposed to be 90 degrees every day during the last week of September is it?  Other than the heat though, life is pretty awesome right now here on the prairie! 

I didn't get to go on my "junk jaunt" last weekend because I had to go to Denver for the "device clinic" and a check up with the "cardio-electric" guys.  That's what I call them.  I actually have two kinds of heart doctors.  Special huh?! One for the electrical, one for the plumbing hehe! :o)  Is it any wonder that I feel like a construction project sometimes? At any rate,  it was time for Thumper (the defibrillator) to have a check up, and all was well, so I'm good to go for a few more months.  I believe I'm home free until January when I have Lab Rat week at National Jewish again.  Barring anything unforeseen until then, I do believe I can look forward to a physician/hospital free holiday season!

Holiday season?  Holy pumpkins and Christmas trees Batgirl!  Can it be close enough already to even talk about?  And to that question I answer with a very loud and excited YES!  I have to say that I'm not really that thrilled with seeing Christmas tree displays going up in retail stores yet, but by now I'm kind of used to it.  I just think we should have Halloween out of the way first, but that's just me.  All in all though, I can't say that I'm disappointed that it's time to get in the spirit of the holidays.  This is my favorite time of year. 

Part of the reason that I've not written much in the past few weeks is because I've been practicing something that my parents taught me when I was young.  "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."  Yeah, yeah, I know, that doesn't really sound like me at all does it?  But I have learned a few things over the years, and one very important part of that was to back away from the keyboard when I'm mad.  So after having given myself a little time, I think I can write without ripping someone to shreds with words if I do it before I think about it too much again~ hehe.  Hey, at least I can chuckle about it now.  A week ago I was contemplating places to bury bodies.  Okay.. body.   Not really.  Okay, really.  But not seriously. 

What fabulous lesson  have I learned from all of the ridiculous drama?  I learned that I am gullible, and that I STILL (after all these years) trust too easily that everyone is basically good.  I still think that we are born good, but I no longer believe that everyone has a "good core" with a few bad attributes.  Some people are just ugly, and an ugly heart and soul is never a good thing to discover in the midst of your life.  I also learned that I don't have to pretend to like someone for ANY reason whatsoever!  A few weeks ago I would have told you that there are some people and some circumstances where pretending is unavoidable.  But guess what?  In my life it's no longer true! ! Oh sure, I can choose to pretend if I want to.  But I absolutely, under NO circumstances have to pretend to like someone that I don't! And I can't tell you how completely liberating that is!  This doesn't mean that I have to be ugly, or stoop to someone else's level, I simply don't have to care.  I don't have to be phony, I don't have to put on an act, and I don't have to give a shit!  Sweeeeeeet!  How is it that it could take me almost 46 years to figure this out? 

There seems to be a theme here as of late.  Let's see... polishing turds.. pretending to care.. yeah.  I've been a "people fixer" and a "people pleaser" for most of my life.  I'm not saying these are bad things.  But clearly, they have caused me to take focus off of things that needed more attention. I think I can safely say that the stress that I've caused myself has literally made me sick on more than one occasion.  And since Sarcoidosis symptoms tend to flare as a result of big stress, I finally realized how important it is for me to avoid it when I can.
I'm pretty sure they would call me "CODEPENDENT" in the psychology world now that I think about it, but hey, who needs a psychiatrist when you've got a blog?

I am extremely grateful that I can be real enough with myself to see when there are things that just won't work for me anymore in this life.  I'm a work in progress in so many ways... spiritually, mentally, physically. As I learn each lesson it seems that I shed some sort of weight that leaves me feeling stronger and more able to forge ahead to see what's next, and to that I say with gusto~ "BRING IT!"