Wait... what?

What would you do if you found out today that your expiration date was coming up?  I mean, a LOT sooner than you expected it.  Say you get a cancer diagnosis, and your prognosis is so grim that your doctor recommends chemo and radiation only if you want to "prolong the agony" basically.  He tells you that neither one of those two options will help.. basically, your life is in it's final chapter.. and it looks like the chapter is going to be damn short. 

Many of you know that this very scenario happened to me less than three years ago, and today I was reminded of it at the mention of someone else living it as well.  I actually am reminded of my own "expiration date diagnosis" several times every week, if not every day, but today I let my mind wrap just a little bit further around those thoughts and realized just how far I've come since then.  Three years isn't all that long when you think about it.  I mean, in the grand scheme of things three years is a mere drip in a very large bucket. And when it's your own life that you're comparing, three years goes by in the blink of an eye and you just don't forget how it feels to be told your time is almost up. 

You would think that you might change everything when you find out that the diagnosis was incorrect and you're going to live after all.  The truth for me is, you are never the same again, but YOU don't really change anything at all.  What happens, is that the news changes you.  It doesn't happen instantly, but it does happen rather fast (you probably won't see it until you look back though) and without a conscious effort the way you understand things, the way you see things, the way you tolerate things, the way you hope and the way you love are all different.  You realize that all passions you may have had before are now intensified and deeper, your relationships mean something different and are stronger and healthier.  You begin to discard things that have no meaning or no purpose in your life.  You begin to realize how much you have to offer the world.  You are acutely aware of A) how short life can be and B) the fact that you don't control much in life.  And the knowledge of those two things both change and inspire you. 

And then there are normal days. Days when you want to choke the shit out of someone who ticks you off.  Days when you're tired and human.  Days when it seems like you're no different than you ever were... and it all kind of balances out.  Today I wondered to myself why the hell I haven't gone sky diving yet, which was pretty stupid considering that I'm scared shitless of heights and I'd have to be pushed out of the plane!  But after that thought were the other thoughts about going to Ireland, or going on a cruise or whatever other bucket list items I've conjured up in my head... (I did manage to get a book written, that was cool) but all of those things take a serious back seat to the things that I had no control over changing.  And I have to say that the day I got my expiration date diagnosis was the best day of my life now that I'm standing almost three years away from it.  And if I had a big "life eraser" in my hands right now I wouldn't want to use it anywhere at all.  Yep, I've been changed.  I didn't do any of it though.  It's just what happens when life happens.  And I'm a huge fan of life!