Noah Sunshine

One day last week I asked Noah if I could take some pictures of him outside.  He told me "only if you take pictures of Berty Moon Star too.  Berty Moon Star is his teddy bear!  I figured I probably won't get too many more pictures of "little boy" Noah, so I was game.  This photo was my favorite of the bunch that I took. 

I can't believe that my little Noah Sunshine is going to be starting pre Kindergarten in two days.  He's almost 5 years old, and when I think back to the Thanksgiving Day that he was born I can barely believe so much time has flown by.   Who knew what a special baby he was going to be?  I know, they're all special.  But my Noah seemingly came into this world to change it.  He has started with me! 

Most of you who would be reading this blog know that Noah hasn't seen his mother in more than 2 years.  He knows he has a mommy.  He knows her name.  He knows what she looks like only from the few photos we have of her around.  What he doesn't know is that she chose a very difficult life for herself.  Not a one of us doubts that she loves him.  She just hasn't been capable of needing him more than she needs hardcore drugs and the life that seems to go along with it.  And he won't know that much until he figures it out for himself I suspect, but for now it doesn't matter.  Every night when Noah says his prayers he blesses both his daddy AND his mommy.  It used to break my heart, but I've learned that the prayers of a child carry some weight, and I can't help but hope that the blessings he asks for her daily will somehow reach her and touch her and make her stronger.   It would be easiest to just be furious with her (and I am some days) for the choices she has made, but in my heart I know that she loves him.  I witnessed it for a short time.  Right after he was born she was clean for a very short time and I saw the good mother that she is capable of being.  No one on earth loved little Noah more than his mommy.  She just wasn't able to be strong long enough.  That's what breaks my heart these days.

My son has been fortunate in that he didn't have much resistance from the courts when he filed for custody of his son.  He struggles though, with trying to keep Noah's mommy alive in his little heart for him, knowing, as I do that she does love him, and hoping that maybe one day that love will be what brings her back to good. 

But for now, all we can do is bask in the sparkle and shine of a little boy who has more love than we could begin to describe from more people than he even knows!  Loving Noah is a privilege, and a blessing in my life.  He's given me more reasons to be strong and healthy, and more goodness in return than I knew to be possible.  Life has great things in store for this boy and I will consider it a gift to be able to watch those things come around to bless him.   Thank you God for my Noah Sunshine.